Sexual health
•
How to Last Longer in Bed
Joseph Anya
Clinical Ops
You're in the moment, everything feels amazing, and then... it's over. Way too soon.
That sinking feeling of disappointment—both in yourself and what you see reflected in your partner's eyes—is something millions of men dread. If you've ever found yourself apologizing instead of basking in post-coital bliss, you're not alone.
Studies show that approximately 1 in 3 men experience issues with finishing too quickly at some point in their lives. The good news? Lasting longer in bed is a skill that can be learned, developed, and mastered—regardless of your current stamina levels.
In this comprehensive guide, we'll explore everything from quick techniques you can implement tonight to long-term strategies that build lasting sexual endurance. Whether you're dealing with premature ejaculation or simply want to extend your sexual performance to new heights, this evidence-based roadmap will help transform your bedroom experience for both you and your partner.
From breathing techniques and psychological approaches to physical exercises and medical treatments, we've gathered the most effective strategies backed by sexual health experts and scientific research. Let's dive into the art and science of sexual stamina.
What's "Normal" Anyway?
Before diving into solutions, it's important to understand what we're working with. Many men worry they don't last long enough, but what's considered "normal" might surprise you.
According to a multinational study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the average time from penetration to ejaculation is about 5.4 minutes. However, this average masks considerable variation between individuals—ranging from under a minute to over 30 minutes.
Sexual stamina exists on a spectrum, and what matters most isn't hitting some arbitrary number but finding a duration that satisfies both you and your partner.
Defining Premature Ejaculation
Clinically speaking, premature ejaculation (PE) is typically defined as:
- Ejaculation that occurs within one minute of penetration
- The inability to delay ejaculation during most sexual encounters
- Negative personal consequences, such as distress, frustration, or avoidance of sexual intimacy
PE can be either lifelong (primary) or acquired (secondary). Primary PE is present from the first sexual experiences, while secondary PE develops after previously having normal ejaculatory control.
Even if you don't meet the clinical definition, feeling that you finish too quickly can impact your sexual confidence and satisfaction. The good news? Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, the techniques in this guide can help you gain more control.
Quick Techniques to Last Longer Tonight
If you're looking for immediate results, these techniques can help you extend your performance starting with your very next sexual encounter.
1. The Start-Stop Technique
This simple yet effective method involves stimulation until you feel you're approaching the "point of no return," then stopping all stimulation until the urge to ejaculate subsides.
How to practice it:
- During sexual activity (either solo or with a partner), pay close attention to your arousal levels
- When you feel you're getting close to climax (about a 7 on a scale of 1-10), stop all movement and stimulation
- Wait 30 seconds to a minute for the sensation to subside (back to about a 3-4 level)
- Resume stimulation and repeat the process 3-5 times before allowing yourself to finish
Research shows that with regular practice over several weeks, many men can train their bodies to recognize the signals of approaching orgasm and develop better control.
2. The Squeeze Technique
Developed by sex researchers Masters and Johnson, this technique involves applying pressure to reduce an impending ejaculation.
How to practice it:
- During sexual activity, when you feel you're approaching ejaculation, stop
- Either you or your partner firmly squeezes the head (glans) of the penis, focusing pressure on the frenulum (the connection between the head and shaft on the underside)
- Maintain the squeeze for about 3-4 seconds
- Resume sexual activity after the urge to ejaculate has diminished
- Repeat as necessary
Studies show this technique can help delay ejaculation and, over time, train your body to extend performance without needing the squeeze.
3. Strategic Positioning
Some sexual positions naturally help men last longer by limiting deep thrusting or reducing stimulation to the most sensitive parts of the penis.
Positions that may help you last longer:
- Partner on top: When your partner controls the depth and pace, it often reduces overstimulation
- Side-by-side (spooning): This position typically involves shallower penetration and less intense stimulation
- Seated positions: When sitting in a chair with your partner on your lap, the angle and depth of penetration can reduce sensitivity
By changing positions when you feel yourself getting close, you can extend the duration of intercourse significantly.
4. Mindful Breathing Techniques
Your breathing pattern has a powerful effect on your arousal level. Rapid, shallow breathing accelerates arousal, while deep, controlled breathing can delay ejaculation.
Try this breathing pattern:
- Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of 4
- Hold your breath for a count of 2
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 6
- Repeat when you feel yourself getting too excited
Research in sexual health shows that controlled breathing can help activate your parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) over your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight), potentially delaying orgasm.
5. The Pause-Squeeze Combination
This technique combines elements of the start-stop and squeeze techniques for enhanced effectiveness.
How to practice it:
- Engage in sexual activity until you feel approaching orgasm
- Stop all movement completely
- Apply the squeeze technique to the head of the penis
- Take deep, controlled breaths during the pause
- Resume once the urgency has subsided
- Repeat as needed
This multilayered approach can be particularly effective for men who find that a single technique isn't sufficient.
Psychological Approaches to Lasting Longer
The mind plays a crucial role in sexual stamina. Performance anxiety, stress, and mental habits can either trigger premature ejaculation or help you control it.
1. Mindfulness and Sensate Focus
Mindfulness—the practice of present-moment awareness without judgment—can transform your sexual experience by helping you focus on bodily sensations without getting lost in performance anxiety.
Sensate focus exercises:
- Set aside 15-30 minutes in a comfortable, private setting
- Focus entirely on physical sensations during intimate touch (initially non-genital, then including genital touch)
- Notice when your mind wanders to performance concerns, and gently redirect attention to physical sensations
- Practice regularly, building sexual awareness without performance pressure
Research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine suggests that mindfulness practices can significantly improve ejaculatory control by reducing performance anxiety and increasing awareness of pre-orgasmic sensations.
2. Cognitive Reframing
How you think about sex and performance can dramatically impact your stamina. Cognitive reframing involves identifying and changing unhelpful thought patterns.
Common thoughts to reframe:
- "I need to last forever" → "My goal is mutual pleasure, not a marathon"
- "If I finish too quickly, I'm a failure" → "I have many ways to please my partner regardless of when I finish"
- "My partner will be disappointed if I don't last long enough" → "Open communication about pleasure creates better sex than focusing solely on duration"
Sexual health therapists often recommend keeping a journal to identify negative thought patterns around sexual performance and deliberately practicing healthier perspectives.
3. Distraction Techniques (Used Strategically)
While being present is generally best for sexual enjoyment, strategic distraction can sometimes help delay ejaculation in the moment.
Effective distraction strategies:
- Mathematical calculations (like multiplication tables)
- Focusing on non-arousing sensations (like the feeling of the sheets or sounds in the room)
- Visualization of neutral scenes (like a peaceful landscape)
It's important to note that distraction should be used sparingly and strategically when you're approaching orgasm too quickly, not throughout the entire sexual experience.
4. Communication with Your Partner
Open, honest communication with your partner can reduce performance anxiety and create a supportive environment for developing stamina.
Topics worth discussing:
- Your desires to extend sexual encounters
- Techniques you're practicing and how your partner can support you
- Alternative ways to provide pleasure if you do finish quickly
- Their preferences regarding sexual duration and variety
Studies consistently show that couples who communicate effectively about sex report higher satisfaction levels, regardless of specific performance metrics like duration.
Physical Exercises and Lifestyle Changes
Your sexual stamina isn't just about what happens in the bedroom—it's influenced by your overall physical health and specific exercises targeting the relevant muscle groups.
1. Kegel Exercises for Men
Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles (the same muscles you use to stop urination midstream) can significantly improve ejaculatory control.
Basic Kegel routine:
- Identify your pelvic floor muscles by stopping urination midstream (only do this for identification purposes, not as the actual exercise)
- Contract these muscles for 3-5 seconds, then relax for 3-5 seconds
- Start with 10 repetitions, 3 times daily
- Gradually work up to 20 repetitions, holding for 10 seconds each
A study published in the Therapeutic Advances in Urology found that after 12 weeks of pelvic floor exercises, 82.5% of men with premature ejaculation gained significantly improved control over ejaculation.
2. Cardiovascular Exercise
Regular aerobic exercise improves stamina, enhances blood flow, and can help manage stress—all factors that contribute to better sexual endurance.
Aim for:
- At least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise weekly (e.g., brisk walking, swimming)
- Or 75 minutes of vigorous activity (e.g., running, HIIT workouts)
- Include 2-3 strength training sessions weekly
Research indicates men who are physically active tend to report better sexual performance and stamina compared to sedentary individuals.
3. Core and Hip Strengthening
The muscles used during sex extend beyond just the pelvic floor. Strengthening your core, hips, and thighs can improve your physical stamina during intercourse.
Effective exercises include:
- Planks and side planks
- Bridges and hip thrusts
- Squats and lunges
- Butterfly stretches for hip flexibility
These exercises improve your ability to control movements during sex and reduce fatigue in the muscles most actively engaged during intercourse.
4. Lifestyle Factors That Impact Sexual Stamina
Several daily habits can either support or undermine your efforts to last longer:
Factors that help extend stamina:
- Adequate sleep: 7-9 hours of quality sleep improves hormonal balance and reduces stress
- Proper hydration: Dehydration can contribute to erectile difficulties and reduced stamina
- Balanced nutrition: Foods rich in zinc, L-arginine, and antioxidants support sexual health
- Stress management: Regular stress-reduction practices like meditation, yoga, or tai chi
Factors that may reduce stamina:
- Excessive alcohol: While a small amount might delay ejaculation by dulling sensation, too much can cause erectile difficulties
- Smoking: Reduces blood flow throughout the body, including to the genitals
- Recreational drugs: Can impair sexual function and control
- Sleep deprivation: Disrupts hormonal balance and increases stress hormones
A comprehensive approach that addresses these lifestyle factors often yields better results than focusing solely on in-the-moment techniques.
Medical Approaches and Treatments
If self-help techniques aren't providing sufficient improvement, several medical options are available for premature ejaculation and stamina concerns.
1. Topical Desensitizers
These products work by slightly numbing the penis to reduce sensitivity and delay ejaculation.
Common options include:
- Lidocaine sprays: Applied 10-15 minutes before sexual activity
- Benzocaine wipes: Convenient single-use wipes containing a mild anesthetic
- Desensitizing condoms: Pre-treated with a small amount of numbing agent on the inside
A study in the International Journal of Impotence Research found that men using lidocaine spray increased their time to ejaculation by 6.3 times on average.
Usage tips:
- Apply only to the head and frenulum of the penis (the most sensitive areas)
- Wait until the product has dried or been absorbed before contact with your partner
- Wipe off excess before penetration to avoid numbing your partner
2. Prescription Medications
Several prescription options can help with premature ejaculation:
SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors):
- Originally developed for depression, delayed ejaculation is a known side effect
- Examples include dapoxetine (specifically approved for PE in some countries), sertraline, paroxetine, and fluoxetine
- May be prescribed for daily use or on-demand before sexual activity
- Studies show they can increase IELT (intravaginal ejaculation latency time) by 2-8 fold
PDE5 inhibitors:
- Medications like sildenafil (Viagra), tadalafil (Cialis), or vardenafil (Levitra)
- Primarily designed for erectile dysfunction but may help some men with PE
- Work best for men who have both ED and PE issues
- May reduce the refractory period (recovery time between erections)
Tramadol:
- An opioid pain medication sometimes prescribed off-label for PE
- Used cautiously due to potential for dependence
- Typically reserved for cases where other treatments haven't worked
Always consult with a healthcare provider before using any prescription medication. These options should be considered only under appropriate medical supervision.
Priv offers a wide range of premature ejaculation treatments online, with prescription medications available after an online consultation with a licensed doctor.
3. Counseling and Sex Therapy
For many men, especially those whose PE has psychological components, professional therapy can be tremendously helpful.
What to expect from sex therapy:
- Assessment of contributing factors (psychological, relationship issues, sexual techniques)
- Cognitive-behavioral approaches to address anxiety and negative thought patterns
- Specific exercises to practice (often similar to those described earlier, but personalized)
- Strategies for couples to work together on extending sexual pleasure
Research shows that combining psychological approaches with medical treatments often yields better results than either approach alone.
4. Hormone Optimization
In some cases, hormonal factors may contribute to ejaculatory control issues:
- Testosterone levels: Both high and low levels can potentially affect sexual function
- Thyroid function: Hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid) has been linked to PE in some studies
- Prolactin levels: Abnormalities may impact sexual function
If you suspect hormonal factors might be involved, comprehensive blood work can help identify imbalances that might be addressed medically.
Enhancing Pleasure Beyond Duration
While this guide focuses on lasting longer, it's worth emphasizing that satisfying sex isn't just about duration. Expanding your sexual range can enhance both partners' satisfaction regardless of how long penetration lasts.
1. Prioritize Non-Penetrative Activities
Penetration doesn't need to be the main event or the finale of sexual encounters.
Consider:
- Extended foreplay before penetration
- Returning to oral or manual stimulation after ejaculation
- Using sex toys to continue pleasuring your partner
- Exploring erogenous zones beyond the genitals
Studies consistently show that many women don't reach orgasm from penetration alone, making these activities essential rather than optional.
2. Practice Sexual Sequencing
The order of sexual activities can significantly impact both stamina and satisfaction.
Effective sequencing strategies:
- Bring your partner close to orgasm before penetration
- Switch between different types of stimulation
- Incorporate positions that provide intense stimulation for your partner but less for you
- Save your most stimulating positions for after your partner has climaxed or is very close
This approach ensures mutual satisfaction regardless of how long penetration itself lasts.
3. Incorporate Breaks Strategically
Rather than viewing breaks in penetration as interruptions, frame them as opportunities to diversify pleasure.
During breaks:
- Maintain physical intimacy through kissing, touching, or massage
- Switch to oral stimulation or manual techniques
- Exchange verbal affirmation and dirty talk
- Hydrate (yes, seriously—sexual activity can be dehydrating!)
This approach makes lasting longer more about sustaining the overall sexual encounter rather than just continuous penetration.
Building Your Personalized Plan
With so many approaches to consider, creating a personalized strategy will yield the best results. Here's how to develop your own plan for lasting longer:
1. Identify Your Primary Challenges
Different factors call for different solutions:
- Physical sensitivity issues: Focus on desensitization techniques, positioning, and physical exercises
- Psychological factors: Prioritize mindfulness, cognitive reframing, and possibly therapy
- Relationship dynamics: Emphasize communication and mutual exploration
- Health concerns: Address underlying medical conditions and lifestyle factors
Most men benefit from addressing multiple factors simultaneously.
2. Start With Quick Wins
Begin with techniques that can provide immediate improvements:
- Master the start-stop technique
- Experiment with different positions
- Try deep breathing during sexual activity
- Consider using a desensitizing product for important occasions
These approaches can build confidence while you work on longer-term solutions.
3. Implement Consistent Practice
Lasting improvement requires regular practice:
- Schedule solo practice sessions for edging techniques
- Perform Kegel exercises daily
- Practice mindfulness regularly, both during sexual activity and in daily life
- Maintain consistent communication with your partner about what's working
Think of building sexual stamina as similar to building strength or endurance in athletics—consistent training yields progressive improvement.
4. Track Progress Thoughtfully
Measure success in ways that actually matter:
- Partner satisfaction: How often does your partner reach orgasm or express satisfaction?
- Overall duration: How long does the entire sexual encounter last, not just penetration?
- Personal confidence: Do you feel less anxious about sexual performance?
- Quality of connection: Has addressing this concern improved your relationship?
Remember that progress may not be linear—some days will be better than others, and that's normal.
5. Know When to Seek Professional Help
Consider consulting a healthcare provider or sex therapist if:
- You've consistently tried multiple approaches without improvement
- Premature ejaculation is causing significant distress
- The issue developed suddenly after previously normal function
- You suspect a medical condition may be contributing
- Relationship conflict around this issue continues despite your efforts
Professional guidance can often help overcome plateaus in self-directed improvement.
Common Questions About Lasting Longer
Does Age Affect Sexual Stamina?
Age can influence stamina in complex ways:
- Younger men often experience PE more frequently due to heightened sensitivity and less sexual experience
- Middle-aged men may have developed more control but might begin experiencing mild ED issues
- Older men sometimes last longer naturally due to decreased sensitivity but may face other sexual concerns
Regardless of age, the techniques in this guide can be helpful, though they may need to be adapted to address age-specific concerns.
Can Diet Affect How Long I Last?
Certain dietary factors may influence sexual stamina:
- Foods rich in zinc (oysters, pumpkin seeds, beef) support testosterone production
- L-arginine-containing foods (nuts, seeds, turkey) may improve blood flow
- Anti-inflammatory foods (berries, fatty fish, leafy greens) support overall sexual health
- Caffeine and spicy foods may potentially worsen PE for sensitive individuals
While no specific diet has been proven to dramatically extend stamina, overall nutritional health creates the foundation for better sexual function.
How Important Is Foreplay for Lasting Longer?
Extended foreplay offers multiple benefits:
- Reduces performance pressure by shifting focus from penetration
- Ensures partner arousal before penetration, potentially requiring less time to reach satisfaction
- Allows you to become more comfortable with arousal before penetration
- Creates a more satisfying overall experience regardless of penetration duration
Many couples find that emphasizing quality foreplay naturally resolves concerns about "lasting long enough."
Can Alcohol Help Me Last Longer?
The relationship between alcohol and sexual stamina is complicated:
- Small amounts may delay ejaculation by dulling sensation
- Larger amounts can cause erectile difficulties
- Regular heavy drinking can lead to long-term sexual dysfunction
While a drink might occasionally help, alcohol is not a recommended strategy for improving sexual performance.
How Do I Talk to My Partner About This Issue?
Productive conversations about sexual stamina involve:
- Choosing a non-sexual moment for the discussion
- Using "I" statements about your feelings rather than assumptions about their satisfaction
- Focusing on mutual pleasure rather than performance metrics
- Inviting their input on what would enhance their enjoyment
- Suggesting specific techniques you'd like to try together
Most partners appreciate this kind of vulnerable communication and are supportive of efforts to enhance mutual pleasure.
Conclusion: A Journey, Not a Destination
Developing sexual stamina is best viewed as a continuing journey of self-discovery and relationship enhancement rather than achieving a specific time goal. The most satisfying sexual experiences often come from mutual exploration, open communication, and a willingness to adapt and grow together.
Remember that even as you work on lasting longer, every aspect of intimacy matters—the connection, the variety, the playfulness, and the mutual respect. By focusing on overall sexual satisfaction rather than just duration, you create space for more fulfilling experiences regardless of where you are in your stamina-building journey.
Whether you implement the quick techniques for tonight's encounter or commit to the long-term strategies for lasting improvement, the effort you're putting into your sexual wellness demonstrates a commitment to both your own pleasure and your partner's satisfaction—and that attentiveness itself is often what matters most in creating truly fulfilling intimate experiences.
With patience, practice, and the right approaches, most men can significantly extend their sexual performance and, more importantly, enhance the quality of their intimate connections.
If you’re experiencing premature ejaculation, Priv has a range of safe and effective treatments to help you last longer and improve your sex life. Speak with a doctor today on Priv. With the right treatment, you can regain your sexual confidence and enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
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